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Drea's Journal

Monday, June 30, 2008

3:44AM - friends

so  I am going to be in michigan...but no one can know this...I don't want nic to know...he is crazy.  I had to tell someone. 

Thursday, November 8, 2007

1:27PM - chicken and mad dog

So One of my neighbors is a very attractive woman, and  because of this she has many suitors.  The other night two of them ended up at her apartment at the same time.  There was a complete brawl because both men showed up with her favorite food (fried chicken) and her favorite drink (mad dog 20/20).  The next morning there was chicken all over the driveway and broken glass. 

Girls if you are dating more than one man get a planner and make sure they don't find out about each other.

Friday, January 13, 2006

6:16AM - so I'm watching dogma

and then they ask...when was the moment that you lost your faith.

she says "I remember the exact moment."

I was in church. It was was cousin funeral. He never wanted one. I wore white shoes. The whole thing was so long and I got asked out by every guy that saw me, but I remember saying "god, if you are here...just know I hate you. He wasn't even 18. He wasn't even 18!"

Sunday, November 27, 2005

12:38AM

heyo Ill write more later. But general vote. Should I get a divorce?

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

11:29AM - Flat Rock

Okay so I've finally spent the night out at my new place. I love it here. I don't want to go back to ypsilanti. I just need to find someone to live with Lisa. The library is acrossed the street. Christina likes to eat sushi and go to the movies. She doesn't do drugs like everyone I know in ypsi. She'll help me stay clean and sober. I need that. I'm so confused about what to do. Nic is no help at all. All I can think about is him and cassie. So much has happened in my life and yet I have gotten nowhere. If I stay in ypsi I will never go anywhere. I need to move on.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Wednesday, November 9, 2005

8:07PM - Life is crazy

I got this email from a friend about her life sounding boring and I wanted to cry. I remember wanting anything exciting to happen to me. Now having a boring life would be great. My life is exciting and dramatic but nothing to be happy about. I graduated and was trying to go back to school for nursing, but life has taken its own course b/c of a troubled marriage. Right now I'm dancing just to cover my bills my husband isn't working b/c his psychotic disorder has him running from the cops, but his family blames me. And you don't even know half of that story. So I could write an interesting book if I ever had time.

Maybe I'll name it

How to marry a psycho and end up in the looney bin in just 10 easy steps.

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

2:07PM

Goodness I feel like I never get time to write anymore. With no internet at home it's sorta crazy. Being married is strange b/c it really just feels like we are dating....I love him more everyday and I'm constantly trying to think of nice things to do for him. I feel like so much has happened, but I'm at work so I can't say much right now...........later

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

12:13PM

Sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks...I love him and this is going to be the hardest thing I ever do. He is so fragile sometimes. He's always gentle with me. Sometimes I feel like I adopted a child b/c he is so young. I feel older than him. He takes care of me but he needs me. He's unlike anything I've ever seen before. A stray cat perhapes that depends on the scraps I leave out for him to eat, but still refuses to be caged. He reminds me of my mother in a way. He's manipulative. He is tender and sweet. I love him more everyday. Maybe we got married for the wrong reasons. Fear of losing each other. Fear of pushing the other away. Afraid of being left. Maybe I'll never really know what lead up to us deciding to be together forever. We really just met. We were unsure of who we were, I'm unsure of who I am...........but when we are together I know that's where I'm supposed to be. I only hope that will be enough.

This world is troubled. Who is to say how long one should wait to know they love each other. Anything is possible.

For Better or for Worse.

Thursday, April 17, 2003

12:40PM - Married life

Wow, since Nic and I don't have the internet at our house it's really hard to type in my online journal as much as I used to. I'm going to have to figure out a time when I just type in it everyday or get one to write in by hand b/c it's so weird to not journal. I really need to get all my stuff moved to Nic's house. I have until may 5th. I think we are going to get that done a good deal this weekend before Nugget comes to visit. I'll have to start packing stuff up more. If anything I can take some time off work that week and move stuff over. I can move stuff during days on mon. and wed. and nic can come move stuff after work while I'm at school.....or he could clean out space at his house so I could put my stuff there.

Well I have court today so wish me luck in that aspect. I'm a little nervouse.

As for married life.....I love Nic more and more everyday. I can't imagine my life without him, but yeah it's rough. We are both stressed out about a lot of things in our lives and sometimes we take it out on each other. But we talk things out and we love each other more than anything. He's the only person who could ever understand how crazy I can get.

Thursday, April 10, 2003

11:38AM

Yes! I get to cross train in estiology! Yes! Life is going so well right now. I'm moving in with my husband in may. Things are going to be great!

Friday, April 4, 2003

12:15PM

I got married on april 2nd!

Tuesday, March 18, 2003

11:30AM

He said he loves me. :-)

Happiest st. patty's day ever. I didn't drink a drop. Nick could be good for me......and maybe I'll be good for him.

Friday, March 14, 2003

10:46AM

if you want to feel sorry for yourself

"You could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt. And all I need to know is that I"m something that you're missing."

That can be your saying for today. because that's how you feel isn't it?

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

11:37AM

so going to the arrienment tom. at 9am. I'm nervous. I don't know. I wish sometimes that my life was boring. Kyle is going to keith's wedding in chicago. It stings. The thought of marriage stings. Talking to kyle stings. The fact that the first person I wanted to talk to when I was arrested being kyle upsets me. The thoughts in my head........I want to call kyle he'll make everything better. Sometimes I think everything that's gone wrong in my life traces back to our break up.

"Despair could ravage you if yo turn your head around
to look down the path that's lead you here, cause what can you change?"-Saves the Day

Current mood: anxious

Monday, March 10, 2003

8:20AM

yeah so I'm meeting with a lawyer..........asking for some time off school........maybe be in ann arbor for part of the summer..........got my nipples peirced.......anyone want to help me draw my next tatoo?

Friday, March 7, 2003

1:09AM

I think being a lesbian is a lifetime commitment-david letterman

Friday, February 28, 2003

7:11AM - why are you so happy?

I have been strangly happy lately. Not anywhere near overjoyed or anything like that....you know just happy. My friend asked me last night why I was so happy. I think the reason is b/c I've been enjoying school, I haven't been into work very much which annoys me to no end.....I've been hanging out with good friends......strangely not drinking

but of course that's not what I told my friend............no I had to make up something strange and slightly amusing. I told him that I had gone through the 5 stages of grief and accepted the fact that I would never again date a man....and I was okay with it.

I said well first I was in denial. During this denial period I refused to believe that there was no man I found attractive that was straight and lived within my dating radius. I tried to reinact the rituals of dating. But eventually this turned into the second stage which was anger.

During the anger stage I was very mad at the lack of straight men that I met that I found to be at all interesting or attractive. I got very upset with my cute gay friends. Saying things like (darn you for your homosexual tendencies are ruining my sex life! or Why can't you gay men be as ugly as the straight men? Are you trying to torture me? and If I see one more happy gay person I'm going to commit a hate crime!) then I started to blame the straight men and myself. I got very angry with me for liking men to begin with and very angry with straight men for not being interesting or attractive. (What is wrong with you straight men? Can't you go buy some decent clothing? Watch less football? Bath more often? Enjoy poetry and art, but not be an overly sensitive emo boy? Can't you be smart and not a geek? Women do it why can't you?) -okay so I never said any of these things........but it would have been fun if I had.

Then was the bargaining stage. At this point I thought well, maybe I just have too high of standards. Maybe I'm trying to find an intelligent man in the wrong end of the gene pool.........maybe there is not such a thing as an attractive, intelligent, motivated, sweet, well dressed straight man. Maybe I should settle for something less. Maybe if I change the type of man I'm looking for then I will find one. Maybe if I look for a boy with clean clothing, half a brain, who isn't in the son of satan, has some kind of job, and doesn't make me want to run away screaming when I look at him........maybe then I could have a decent relationship with a man..................oh but that would be a no. B/c to have a realationship with a man is to have a bad relationship. I believe heterosexual relationships are doomed to failure from the beginning.

Then comes depression..........I was sad.........men suck. Evil men. Evil men and their suckiness. I hate men. I shall become a lesbian.

Lastly there is acceptance. This is where I am. Men suck, but ice creme is good.......and so are soap operas. If there are no men I can live in a pick house......I don't have be pretty unless I want to.....I can hang out with my friends whenever I want.......I can go to sleep whenever I want.........I can have 10 billion pillows and blankets and not worry about another person getting too hot. I can do whatever I want......maybe I don't want to have a relationiship ever again for the rest of my life......I like my life better without one..........yes! men suck! my life is great!

Okay so none of this happened at all, but I thought it was a pretty cool idea.

Current mood: bouncy
Current music: tatu-all the things she said

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

9:21AM - okay I had to do it

brenda
You are Brenda. You're very unpredictable and
people sometimes think you're crazy because you
are emotional and make decisions before you
think. You get frustrated when no one takes you
seriously and you are a drama queen.


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9:05AM

okay so I have to do my taxes........yeah this is scary. there are like six million things to do.......I have about 5 thousand legal forms........I still need to go get one from the shc office..........well, I guess I'll do that later today.

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